4 Tips To Stop Self-Loathing
Tips on how to reframe your negative self-thoughts.
What is Self Loathing?
Self-loathing refers to the underlying belief or feeling that you are not good enough. It is associated with low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness. Self-loathing can influence how you view the world. You may ruminate on the negative things and minimize the positive things.
What are the Signs of Self-Loathing?
1. All-or-nothing thinking: This thinking often involves using absolutes or extremes. You see your life as good or bad, without any nuances or shades of gray in between. This can be problematic because it makes it difficult to find alternative solutions or ways of coping.
2. Negativity bias: You put too much focus on the negative aspects of a situation and don’t consider the positives. Even if you experience something positive, you may discount it and find some way to view it negatively.
3. Low self-esteem: Self-esteem can also be thought of as how much you like, approve of, or value yourself. Having low self-esteem corresponds to negative evaluations of yourself.
4. Difficulty accepting compliments: When someone says something positive about you through a compliment, you discount what they said or think that they’re just being nice. Instead of accepting them graciously, you brush them off and question them.
5. Overly critical of yourself: If you make a mistake, you are overly critical of yourself and attack your own character (“e.g., “I’m a failure who will never amount to anything”). It can be hard for you to forgive yourself, even if others have already done so.
1. Journaling: Journaling can be a helpful way to unravel all of your thoughts by getting them on paper. Reflecting on your day, you can examine how certain situations or people may have triggered your emotions and get at the root of self-loathing thoughts. In order for journaling to be effective, it’s essential to stay consistent with it. Only then will you be able to sense a pattern emerging and gain awareness about how your emotions shift over time. Plus, research shows that expressing your feelings through writing can be helpful in reducing psychological distress (Marković, Bjekić, & Priebe, 2020).
2. Talk back to your inner critic: In addition to becoming more aware of your emotions, it can be helpful to question your thoughts when in a negative situation. Are they realistic? Think of your inner critic as a bully and try to stand up to this bully. Counter your negative thoughts and criticisms with an argument supporting the opposite side. If you find it hard to do this, imagine what a friend might say to the critical voice in your head.
3. Practice self-compassion and self-acceptance: Is it really the end of the world because of that small mistake? Can you be a bit more gentle with yourself? When you accept and love yourself unconditionally and cultivate positive self-talk, you will slowly make it a habit. Research suggests that compassion-focused therapy can help improve self-esteem, which, in turn, can reduce self-loathing (Thomason & Moghaddam, 2020).
4. Consider the people in your inner circle: Who are you hanging out with most? Are your friends contributing to your negative self-talk? It’s essential to spend time with people who uplift you, not those who bring you down. It may be hard to end certain relationships, but at the very least, it may be helpful to distance yourself from these toxic relationships. In contrast, yo u work on strengthening your relationship with yourself and other healthy relationships with others.
Self-loathing can be challenging to deal with, but there are things you can do to feel better. Hopefully, this article offered some strategies that will help you feel better about yourself.
● Marković, M., Bjekić, J., & Priebe, S. (2020). Effectiveness of expressive writing in the reduction of psychological distress during the COVID-19 pandemic: a randomized controlled trial. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 2936.
● Thomason, S., & Moghaddam, N. (2020). Compassion‐focused therapies for self‐esteem: A systematic review and meta‐analysis. Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice.
By Wendi Lev, LCSW, ACSW, CADC 6/7/2025
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